Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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