Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
