The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
