Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize