you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I touched a dick in church today
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
