oh god the rape fog is back!
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
