we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
