I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Hippo gnu deer
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
