the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
