Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
