kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
