I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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