im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
