Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
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