we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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