You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Randomize
