Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
So vagazzling was a success
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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