I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
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