'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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