I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Randomize
