Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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