If that was your dad, he is hot
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
