Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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