he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Randomize