If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
