Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize