The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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