I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
