I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
that is very illegal...i love you.
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