If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
