i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
