She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
