And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
