So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
They took my balls.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
