when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
