Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Just high enough for therapy.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
