i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
