His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
