You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
