your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
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