You can't motorboat a personality
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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