I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
