He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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