we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
