I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
