Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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