come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
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