He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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