it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
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