every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
