Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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