dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
