Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
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