does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
