life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
We need a shit load of segways right now
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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