woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I have feelings that need drinking.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Randomize
