when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
