its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
My feet surprised me
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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