my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
