I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Dear god my vagina.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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