My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
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