yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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