did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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