I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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