my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
