Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
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