i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
