Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
