i would punch a child for taco bell
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
