Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
