I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
