let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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