i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
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