i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
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