dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
