Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
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