I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
