My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Randomize
