wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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