The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
