dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
