Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Acid is not a monday night drug
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Randomize
