i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
