do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Randomize
