why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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