you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
