Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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