I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
