the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
