your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
