What did we do last night that was yellow?
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Randomize
