He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
