Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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