So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
