My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
