Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
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