i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
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