Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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